Reality

Note: this post is not supposed to be sad. It is not intended to be a poor me or anything. It is intended as an opportunity to realize there is happiness in every circumstance even (and especially) when it isn't perfect.

Sometimes social media gives us all a fake perception of real life. We are so closely connected to each other and we perceive what we think are other peoples realities. Whether our perception is a truth or not, we can easily fall into a trap of thinking “the grass is greener for so-and-so" or “I wish I had their life” or “nothing bad ever happens to them” or “poor me”.

I’ve been told my life is enviable and what people dream about. I’ve been told I’m lucky to do the things I do.

Which is truth. My life is exceptional and extraordinary.

But it is also true my life is far from perfect. 

Most people don’t realize I don’t usually speak to anyone after about 10 every night or before 9 every morning. I go to bed alone every night. I am completely reliant on my parents, brothers and sisters-in-law to keep me in “the family”. 

I struggle with insecurities created through trauma of my past. I literally have conversations with myself to talk myself out of pushing guys away or building walls around my heart. I’ve struggled with self image issues and have to constantly remind myself I am beautiful no matter what my outer self looks like.

I’ve become self aware and know how to combat these things. I know myself and am at peace in my life. I am comfortable in my own skin and in my current situations.

In saying all of this, MY LIFE ROCKS!! Seriously, I am so extraordinarily blessed every day. I’m so grateful I have hard things in my life because I have learned how to see a merciful Maker everyday and see that He loves me. 

MY HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE.

I am happy because I choose everyday to be happy. I choose my attitude. I choose to not allow external forces to determine my demeanor or dictate the outcome of my day. I choose happiness. I choose love. I choose to allow vulnerability to enter my life in the hopes of something great coming from it. I choose to not protect my heart and allow God to protect it for me. I spend hours praying to not shutdown, to be open to the spirit, to feel calm and at peace and to not allow past trauma to change the path of my (very bright) future.

I choose.

And so can you.

The grass is not greener in my life. It is just different than your life. My plan A has been different than your plan A and thank heavens for that. I learn so much from each one of you and the journey of your life. I am so grateful I get to be a spectator to so many amazing people. I am humbled everyday by my path and how incredible of a journey I am on. 

Much love to you all and happy 30 to me!

~Stef